Friday, June 17, 2011

Oh Joy, Colonoscopy Time

Yep, I'm getting a colonoscopy on Monday. Because I'm not excited about the procedure, I've put off paying attention to the preparation required. Just today, I glanced at the paperwork and got a rude surprise. The paper says I'm supposed to avoid raw fruits and vegetables as well as nuts and seeds.

Yikes. I'm a vegetarian. Sure, I can eat cooked vegetables but no nuts? No fruits?

Before I even read the preparation sheet I had already broken the rules. This morning I had oatmeal loaded up with a banana (bad), blueberries (bad), and walnuts (bad).

Bad, but really, really good.

I have a fresh avocado and baby lettuce begging to be eaten for lunch today. I have half-dozen ripe South Carolina peaches on my counter and at least one was going to be my mid-afternoon snack. Nope.

I called the nice lady at the doctor's office to confess--and to see what my options are. She told me not to eat any more of the 'bad stuff' between now and Monday. Kibosh on the avocado, lettuce, peaches and all other manner of deliciousness. I politely asked her what I could eat.

Her answer was: processed foods. I'm no food freak but really? Processed foods is the answer?

Process foods = healthy colon?

Well, of course not. But that's the way it's got to be. So in preparation for my colonoscopy on Monday, I'll spend this weekend enjoying mouth-watering processed foods.

She didn't say anything about beer...



  1. I remember my colonoscopy. The diet didn't throw me, I guess because I eat processed foods. What just about killed me was the liquid I had to drink called "Go Lightly"... someone's idea of a joke I am sure.

    The test was nothing. Infact I asked them to make it possible that I didn't remember any of the test. No problem!

    Next time I am going to ask them to make it so I don't remember any of the prep.

  2. Yikes! I hope you managed to find enough to eat.

  3. I hope you kept your eyes shut when they rolled you into the procedure room. When I had mine, just before I went to sleep I saw a nurse walk in with 200 feet of 6" diameter hose (at least that's what it looked like to me!)

  4. Good luck on the prep. It's awful! But the actual scope should be easy for you. Hope it all goes well!

  5. I hope you have received an "all clear" and you are now indulging yourself in all the treats you were denied!

    I confess, I have had two colonoscopies and both were rather pleasant experiences.
    There I lay on the table, no "To Do" list, no cell phone ringing or text messages with blaring reminders of things that needed my immediate attention. No decisions to make, no mountains to move.
    In walks a trio of the kindest nurses, their hair tucked beneath neath caps " Oh,will I be seeing synchonised swimming today?" I chuckled. I received 3 warm and friendly smiles and assurances that all would go well. "Is there anything I can get you?" thay asked. "I don't suppose a glass of wine would be one of those things?"
    When I awoke, they were there, one holding my wrist "You did great!" she chimed. I smiled "wow, and I didn't even have to ask how I did". I was greeted with smailes and compliments and "you may put clothes your clothes on", as they exited the area.
    What more could a guy ask for?
    My next colonoscopy, I'm packing an engagement ring!
    Cheers! Marc :)


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